Most Assuredly.

Listen. I can work really hard

to try and pretend,

that my flesh and my skin

don't want to depend

on worldly definitions

to define and defend

the most coveted of all:

my reputation before men.

But then,

I'd be lying and deceiving myself.

Denying a disease while it eats at your health,

is like a poor man pretending he is of great wealth.

All the while, the truth is not stealth.

Hold that veneer up to the fire

and see how long 'til it melts.

You see, as a Christian the truth must prevail,

no matter how hazy or masquerading the veil.

My fate is not floating around in the air.

My Father has bought me.

No room for despair.

So then why do I feel confusion of sorts?

Searching among men bound to a nature of torts

to find something only found in my Father's courts?

My soul longs for comfort. My mind longs for rest.

For a time void of trivial talking and jest.

Maybe I've just been distracted to death?

Or at least the time being, and now all thats left

is a longing for His grace to give me new breath.

Most assuredly, breath that I do not deserve.

The kind that was given to the dry bones in His word.

But it's so easy to give into the notion

that I deserve more, after all this devotion.

Devotion?

My child please take time to reflect

on Christ Jesus our Lord

who for the sake of the elect,

endured the wrath of His Father

and took on a gross death.

All the while, He sinned not.

Let me say that again:

While Jesus walked on this earth,

He did so without sin.

The Lord sent His son because WE cannot do it.

We cannot satisfy God's wrath for our sin

and that is all there is to it.

So why do I think I have something to offer?

Like I have to run around this earth pretending to be the potter?

'Til that one day

I realize I'm the clay.

The Lord takes that luster

and strips it away.

I'm left standing there,

dirty and gray.

Nothing to say.

Hand over my mouth as my facade fades away.

Oh but it hurts down to my inner most being.

Pruning the vine. Faith without seeing.

Unrest and regret turns into pleading.

That I may hold fast to the scripture I'm reading.

Sanctification: what a wonderful word.

Its fires are hot, but be not deterred:

It's a promise you'll see all that which you've heard.

Sovereignty is not just something we preach.

As though when trials come, our doctrine retreats.

Instead dig down deep,

though in sorrow you weep,

into the Promises our Father, most assuredly, keeps.

Maintenance

Doing some site maintenance. As you all could probably tell, the blog needed a makeover. Will probably be changing a few times in the next week until I nail down a good look.

Earthquake

Wow, it has been forever since I've actually written on this thing. I'm semi-embarrassed :/ but I realize that this blog got its start during the year that I was sitting out of bball due to NCAA transfer rules. No basketball games and lots of blog writing had a direct correlation sooooo maybe now that my career is officially finished I will write more? We shall see.

A quick update, I have moved to Southern California this past month and actually started my {new life} out here. It's a lot at once for sure: my identity as a college athlete has come to an end, my super long distance relationship with Lane has come to an end (not the relationship just the long distance part haha), and I am thousands of miles from my family and friends. But the Lord is so gracious, and His orchestrating of all the details has been glorious. I am so blessed to have a job out here which I started today. I am a 'National Trainee' for Sears Holdings Co. so I am training as a retail manager there. I interned with them last summer during summer bball conditioning at school and the Lord blessed me with a job offer from that. And they were able to place me out here on the west coast, so like I said, the Lord orchestrated all of that according to His will. I can't believe that I actually get to eat lunch with Lane and hang out whenever we want to, and it doesn't involve flying across the country to see each other. It has been more than amazing so far.

The reformed fellowship out here is incredible. It actually blows me away. Lane and I are attending Christ Reformed Church which is pastored by Kim Riddlebarger from the White Horse Inn radio show. To have listened to that for years and now be sitting under Kim's teachings is such a huge blessing. Also, a best friend of mine THAT I MET FROM THIS BLOG (yea we started off as cyber weirdo friends lol) lives an hour south of me. Getting to fellowship with her and her husband more has been longgg awaited. I have met so many great people already out here that it's so exciting to think about what all the Lord is doing. Now that my job has started and I'm working full time, time-management is going to be crucial for me again. But its amazing that I go to work every morning and I feel relieved that my manager can't make me get on the line and run sprints til I die. Haha. I know that sounds ridiculous, but its a huge burden off my shoulders. Crazy. I wonder how long that feeling will last.

I pray that the Lord would use me for His glory in this next phase of my life. I don't know what that looks like, really. For so long, my calling was so clear. And as hard as it was to be a vessel broken by the Lord in the midst of the ungodliness of women's college basketball, it became something that was familiar to me. The opportunities the Lord provided for me became something like a rhythm, and although I of course failed miserably at times, the Lord always brought something encouraging to me, like a soul eager to learn more about Christ that I could invest in and mourn with and rejoice with along that path. I knew I would get persecuted, but it was almost like I was familiar with it- even knowing what types of persecution to expect and how to deal with it (sometimes. It still hurt though). This....this is all just so new to me. Sharing Christ in the workplace is harder because I don't live with these people. They don't know much about me except for what they see from 9-5. They don't live in the next room and they don't eat 3 meals a day with me and go on road trips with me. I pray the Lord will guide me, teach me and continue to mold me and transform me into the image of His son. That's the only way anything can get done, anyways. I bring nothing to the table. Which reminds me:

I love pastor Riddlebarger's illustration of communion. All of us, Oliver Twist-like, come to the table with nothing in our bowls...nothing to offer, just dirty and hungry and eager to be fed and filled by the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen to that.

And with that, I can't really find much more to say. What an amazing image.

(Except for...the title of this post has nothing to do with anything in this post. Hope it didn't disappoint anyone too badly. It's just that I couldn't think of anything to call it...and I experienced my first earthquake out here a few days ago. So I mean, I just thought I would write my first blog post as a Southern Cal resident and name it earthquake in honor of my first one.) ha. Ok goodnighttt, I need to get some sleep.

In Christ Alone

I don't play the piano...but I had a couple days off from basketball to spend at home....sooo I decided to pick up this new hobby yesterday :) This is my favorite hymn. Its still rough around the edges, but its for God's glory nonetheless.

Another Poem

Mixed up. What a mess covered in a glossy coat
Back and forth. Back and forth on this sea-sickened boat.
Its been a while. Way too long for sanity’s sake.
If you knew how long you would probably call me fake.
Am I awake?
Maybe I fell asleep with my eyes wide open.
Knowingly or not, the Verdict has still spoken.
But am I broken?
I’m kind of nauseous. Actually, I’m very nauseous.
The outside has taken over with a series of blotches.
I can barely stomach to watch this.
Please, someone turn on the faucets.
Apparently I’m incapable of doing so myself.
So for my own benefit, for my Spiritual and physical health
Turn me somewhere besides inside myself.
Do you empty the trash when it’s piling up?
Do you sift through the junk, do you clean up the muck?
Or do you sit idly by and just wait for the truck?
After all, doesn’t it come by to pick it all up?
What a shame. Helpless to even will my way through
This freedom concept doesn’t feel very true.
Good thing feelings are subjective and don’t hold much weight
Good thing from the beginning I presented nothing on my plate.
Nothing of my own, no credit to my name
I came empty handed and I come now the same.
So take this shame.
I’m tempted to just fall in line with the world
Who doesn’t stay up late and wrestle with the Lord
But the word of God is sharper than a double-edged sword.
So staying up late is about all I can afford.
Its cuts through the mire, it splits my intentions.
It even puts my rest and my sleep on suspensions
Nothing is out of reach, no measure too great to be taken
No idol or affection can be hidden or mistaken
When the Light shines down, the darkness must run
Even if its been a while since it last saw the sun.
I’m undone.
You desire truth in my inner most part.
Please grant this, my Lord. Purify this heart.
Cuz at my best I’m a wretch, but my standing’s objective.
Righteous by the blood of the Lamb resurrected.

Dark Nights of the Soul (Brokenness and Sanctification) with Doug Eaton

A wonderful video from one of my good friends and brother in Christ, Doug Eaton. This video talks about how the Lord can bring His children down to some of the lowest times so that we will come to see our sinfulness. The best way I have ever heard this being described is "the valley of vision." I've had this happen to me a couple of times in my life, and one time being recently. It feels as if the Lord has withdrawn Himself from us, so that we may see His judgment of sin in the realeast way and so we may see the deception of the sins we have been ignoring or giving into. And yet, the result of this time, for the beleiver, is ALWAYS restoration and repentance unto LIFE and true sanctification. Affliction really is the way in which the Lord gets our attention. I seriously feel like Doug took the words right out of my mouth in this video, but expresses it better than I could so no sense in saying anything else. May the Lord use this video to encourage people out there that are finding themselves in the 'valley of vision' where sometimes it feels too painful to even function. This too shall pass, and remember James 1:2-4 as you endure. Take heart, my brother or sister, it is the Lord dealing with you as one of His CHILDREN, not enemies.

The Dark Side...

OHHH NOOOO. Oh Yes. I joined twitter- the very thing I said I would never do haha. Lane wore me down and I finally gave :) Going to use it for the glory of God! Feel free to follow me if you would like:

http://twitter.com/SusanYenser